When policy creates a process that fails in the classroom.

At a staff meeting, we were reminded of the school-wide classroom management policy: that included to not let students go to the toilet during class time. Too many students were using it as an excuse to avoid learning. Too many 'emergencies' just happened to coincide with a friend being out of class. The Deputy Principal told us to use it as a lesson in self-management. Students should be using the toilet at break time, we were told.

So, when Adam in my class raised his hand and asked to go, I said no. He didn’t argue, beg, or plead. Adam just looked at me quietly, sat for a moment and then got up, walked to the classroom bin, and urinated straight into it. Just like that.

I froze. The class froze. Some students laughed; others sat in stunned silence. And Adam? He looked relieved. Because he had needed to go, and he had been told no. In that moment, I didn’t feel like a teacher following a process, I felt like an adult who had just turned a child’s basic need into a public spectacle. That day I learned something important: policies are not people. They don’t see the child in front of you. They don’t know what is urgent and what can wait and why then when schools write rules with no space for discretion, we risk trading away compassion for control.

Now, when a student in my class asks to use the toilet, I let them go. I might check for patterns. I might follow up later. But I no longer ignore biology. Because no child should have to choose between wetting themselves and breaking the rules. And to be honest, I never want to clean up warm urine in a classroom rubbish bin again.

Just as rigid toilet rules can humiliate or harm children, bullying policies can also fall short when they focus only on rules and punishments, without room for discretion, empathy, and relationship-building.

A good bullying policy should not just say “zero tolerance”.  It should help staff:

• See the child behind the behaviour

• Understand the context of the behaviour

• Understand it is behaviour so it is likely to happen again, so will need further support

• Support the child now, not just tick off procedures as informed and done.

When schools think about bullying policies, they should ask: Are we creating safety, connection, and support — or are we just enforcing rules?